The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Further Radio Scripts Read online

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Richard Griffiths Slartibartfast

  Henry Blofeld and Fred Trueman Themselves, Brockian Ultra-Cricket Instructors

  Joanna Lumley Woman with the Sydney Opera House head

  Chris Langham Prak

  Leslie Phillips Hactar

  Griff Rhys Jones Old Thrashbarg

  Rula Lenska Voice of the Bird, All the Lintillas

  Samantha Béart Random

  Arthur Smith Barman

  June Whitfield Raffle Woman

  Stephen Fry Murray Bost Henson

  Jackie Mason East River Creature

  Christian Slater Wonko the Sane

  Jonathan Pryce Zarniwoop Vann Harl

  John Challis Prophet

  Mitch Benn Pseudopodic Creature

  Saeed Jaffrey Old Man on the Pole

  Miriam Margolyes Smelly Photocopier Woman

  Roy Hudd Max Quordlepleen

  Fiona Carew Walkie-Talkie, Ship Launch voice, Hooker 2

  Alison Pettitt Stewardess Bot, Wizened Little Old Lady, Stewardess, Hooker 1

  Michael Cule Punter, Vogon Clerk, Vogon Helmsman, Computer

  Chris Emmett Evil-Looking Bird, Canis Minor Pontiff

  David Dixon Ecological Man, Zirzla Robot Leader

  Simon Greenall Jim, Steward, Lifepod

  Geoffrey Perkins Head of Light Entertainment Radio

  Lorelei King Gail Andrews, Stewardess, Patient

  Andrew Secombe Colin the Robot, Mr Bartlett

  Ann Bryson BT Operator, Barmaid

  Margaret Robertson Mrs Kapelsen

  Nick Clarke Himself

  Charlotte Green Herself

  Peter Donaldson Himself

  Sir Patrick Moore Himself

  Brian Cobby Speaking Clock, Sub Etha Voice

  Neil Sleat Newsreader, Cameraman

  Bruce Hyman Deodat, Prosser

  Kevin Davies Taxi Driver

  Theo Maggs Boy at Cricket Match

  Tom Maggs Krikkit Civilians Four to Five Million, Heart of Gold Door, Runner

  John Marsh The Announcer

  and

  Douglas Adams Agrajag

  Jo Wheeler Production Assistant (Series 1), Production Manager (Series 2)

  Laura Harris Production Assistant (Series 1)

  Susie Matthews Production Assistant (Series 2)

  Ken Humphrey Studio Effects

  Paul Weir Additional Sound Design

  Paul Deeley Sound Recording/5.1 Mix

  John Langdon Script Editor

  Paul ‘Wix’ Wickens Music

  Philip Pope Krikkit Song

  Dirk Maggs Writer/Director/Co-Producer

  Helen Chattwell Producer

  Bruce Hyman Producer

  Transmission Dates

  LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING

  Episode

  1 21.09.04, 6.30–7 pm Repeat 23.09.04, 11–11.30 pm

  2 28.09.04 30.09.04

  3 05.10.04 07.10.04

  4 12.10.04 14.10.04

  5 19.10.04 21.10.04

  6 26.10.04 28.10.04

  SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH

  Episode

  1 03.05.05, 6.30 pm Repeat 05.05.05, 11 pm

  2 10.05.05 12.05.05

  3 17.05.05 19.05.05

  4 24.05.05 26.05.05

  MOSTLY HARMLESS

  Episode

  1 02.06.05 31.05.05

  2 07.06.05 09.06.05

  3 14.06.05 16.06.05

  4 21.06.05 23.06.05

  Glossary of terms used in the scripts and notes

  INT. Interior setting for the action, usually requiring an ambient acoustic.

  EXT. Exterior setting, usually requiring little or no ambient acoustic.

  FX: Sound effects (can either be live in studio or added afterwards).

  Distorted Used for a voice heard, for example, through a telephone or radio.

  Beat A pause between lines to (a) let a point sink in, and (b) remind the actors to breathe now and again.

  Extended version The version on the commercially available CD, cassette and DVD-Audio, not edited to fit the BBC broadcast slot (27 minutes 30 seconds) but running to whatever length suited the story, usually five to ten minutes longer per episode.

  THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY RADIO SCRIPTS

  THE TERTIARY, QUANDARY AND QUINTESSENTIAL PHASES

  Douglas Adams was born in 1952 and created all the various and contradictory manifestations of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: radio, novels, TV, computer game, stage adaptations, comic book and bath towel. He lectured and broadcast around the world and was a patron of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund and Save the Rhino International. Douglas Adams was born in Cambridge, UK, and lived with his wife and daughter in Islington, London, before moving to Santa Barbara, California, where he died suddenly in 2001. After Douglas died the movie of Hitchhiker moved out of development hell into the clear uplands of production, using much of Douglas’s original script and ideas. Douglas shares the writing credit for the movie with Karey Kirkpatrick.

  ALSO BY DOUGLAS ADAMS

  The Hitchhiker series

  The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

  The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

  Life, the Universe and Everything

  So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish

  Mostly Harmless

  The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: The Original Radio Scripts

  The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Film Tie-in

  The Making of ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’

  The Dirk Gently series

  Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

  The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul

  The Salmon of Doubt

  With John Lloyd

  The Meaning of Liff

  The Deeper Meaning of Liff

  With Mark Carwardine

  Last Chance to See . . .

  By Terry Jones, based on a story/computer game

  by Douglas Adams

  Starship Titanic

  Acknowledgements and Thanks

  First and foremost, Jane Belson for unwavering support; Generalissimo Ed Victor and his lieutenants, Lizzy Kremer and Gráinne Fox; Christine Cuddy and Robert Bookman, who fought battles abroad; Helen Boaden, who made one brave executive decision after another; Nicky Hursell and Jacqui Graham, who were patient and persistent beyond the call of duty; Paul Deeley, whose fingerprints are to be heard (but not seen) throughout this book; the peerless Peer Lindgreen and Kevin Davies, who surpassed their brief; Christian Knowles for pestering; Jo Wheeler, Laura Harris, Ruth Waites and Susie Matthews, without whom these scripts would still just be a few email attachments.

  And, of course, to the immortal Douglas Adams.

  Dirk Maggs and Bruce Hyman

  First published 2005 by Pan Books

  This electronic edition published 2012 by Pan Books

  an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited

  Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR

  Basingstoke and Oxford

  Associated companies throughout the world

  www.panmacmillan.com

  ISBN 978-1-447-22758-8 EPUB

  Copyright © Above The Title Productions 2005

  Foreword copyright © Simon Jones 2005

  Introductions copyright © Bruce Hyman 2005 and copyright © Dirk Maggs 2005

  Notes from the cast copyright © Susan Sheridan, William Franklyn

  and Philip Pope respectively 2005

  The right of Above The Title Productions to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publicatio
n may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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